One of the first days I was watching my stepson, back in fall 2013 I was doing dishes in the kitchen when a friend called to ask for advice. My four year old stepson was making a blanket, stuffed animal fort over the living room furniture. That was one of his favorite activities.
My friend asked me what the commotion was in the background and I explained that he was playing and having a blast.
She said, "Ah, childcare." To which I replied.
He loved making forts out of blankets and pillows. He loved pillow fights. At times it seemed childish, but then again, why shouldn't children be a little childish.
I had a good relationship with my stepson. But our wake up routine was challenging.
I remember all the different strategies I used to persuade my son to get out of bed.
One family member told me to drag em out. I decided that I wasn't going to push his feet out of bed as I was told, and instead that I would persuade him to get up. This is easier said than done.
One caretaker used to remove his blankets, so I tried that. This often led to a defensive reaction and then to me rationalizing the action. Ultimately, it all seemed too abrupt and I eventually figured out a two new ways to get a stubborn kid up and excited about the day.
After years of realizing I had an oppositional approach as well. I tried using low intrest but interesting videos, like folk music. I found that this created a more relaxing mood and less resistance to getting up.I used to wake up to the radio as a grade schooler and up. With my son, a music video that isn't a favorite of his, but is still good, put him in a good mood and bred a more cooperative attitude.
The other strategy was to offer a reward for getting up on time, usually a snack after school. I raised the bar by a minute each day, so that the child became more self disciplined and was more likely to look at getting up positively.
At one time, this was working so well that we were early enough for school one day that we got the treat before school.
My stepsons Dad is so afraid of his ex-wife that he knocked on the door of our apartment and was gone by the time I opened the door to let his son in. The frst time he droppd off his son, I went outside to rceive them, and I was yelled at from thirty feet away that I was violating his privacy. I tough that I was waiting for a four year old child in the most responsible manner possible, IE, keeping the child and the dropping off parent in my line of sight. I am an experienced preschool worker and beieve that four year olds need to be in an adults line of sight when outdoors in the evening especially.
When I brought in the child and explained what happened, another family member said, "____ is an asshole." I aepted that definition of the situation at the time because I just got yelled at for no reason. But what I didn't realize at the time is that the other father was feeling harassed by my at the time fiancee, his exwife.
Mental mistreatment or emotional abuse is deliberately causing mental or emotional pain. Examples include intimidation, coercion, ridiculing, harassment, treating an adult like a child, isolating an adult from family, friends, or regular activity, use of silence to control behavior, and yelling or swearing which results in mental distress.
Accusing, blaming, and denial
This behavior comes from an abuser’s insecurities. They want to create a hierarchy in which they’re at the top and you’re at the bottom.
Here are some examples:
Jealousy. They accuse you of flirting or cheating on them.
Turning the tables. They say you cause their rage and control issues by being such a pain.
Denying something you know is true. An abuser will deny that an argument or even an agreement took place. This is called gaslighting. It’s meant to make you question your own memory and sanity.
Using guilt. They might say something like, “You owe me this. Look at all I’ve done for you,” in an attempt to get their way.
Goading then blaming. Abusers know just how to upset you. But once the trouble starts, it’s your fault for creating it.
Denying their abuse. When you complain about their attacks, abusers will deny it, seemingly bewildered at the very thought of it.
Accusing you of abuse. They say you’re the one who has anger and control issues and they’re the helpless victim.
Trivializing. When you want to talk about your hurt feelings, they accuse you of overreacting and making mountains out of molehills.
Saying you have no sense of humor. Abusers make personal jokes about you. If you object, they’ll tell you to lighten up.
Blaming you for their problems. Whatever’s wrong in their life is all your fault. You’re not supportive enough, didn’t do enough, or stuck your nose where it didn’t belong.
Destroying and denying. They might crack your cell phone screen or “lose” your car keys, then deny it.